4 Ways To Know If He Really Wants To Be With You

Just the other week, a young lady reached out to me for advice, because she recently found out that her boyfriend was lying and possibly cheating. He told her he was going out of town, and was headed to another city via his car, but something was off because clearly his car was still at his apartment around the same time he was allegedly out of town.

Needless to say, he lied and he never went out of town. Even after she confronted him about it, he never once called and tried to explain or apologized, nor did he try to make it right with her and try to work things out. Of course the young lady was confused and heartbroken, which led her to ask me, “Why would he tell me he wants to be with me, but then lie to me? We talked about meeting his family, and starting a future and everything.”

My response was, “Because some men will tell you what you want to hear just to get what they want.” It’s unfortunate, but it’s true and it’s not right. My husband explained it perfectly once before when he said, “Men will say they’re going to build a bridge, but won’t purchase the materials just to convince women that it’s going somewhere.” In other words, some will act like they’re going to build a bridge even though they really have on true intention on building one. They will can SAY the relationship is going somewhere, but then their actions will say otherwise.

So, how do you know if and when a man is being genuine and ready to be in a real relationship, or take things to the next level? Although people can lie or change at practically any moment in life, there are some key signs to look out for as it relates to knowing whether or not they are sincerely trying to be with you.

1. His actions will match his words.

Ask yourself, “Do his actions line up with his words?” In my book, I talk about how I used to be the girl who would determine a man’s interest and seriousness about the relationship purely off of what he said versus what he did. Then, I stopped getting with and staying with people merely based off of what they said and started focusing on what they did especially when it came to my husband. He didn’t just feed me good lines or whisper “sweet nothings.” Instead, his actions lined up with what he said. So, if he said he wanted to be with me, he also made it very clear that he wanted to be with me.

One of the greatest lessons I learned was that if a man wants to be with you, then he’ll be with you. You won’t have to beg, plead, or force them to be with you, let alone compromise your morals and values. Furthermore, if they’ve been saying they’re going to change and they’re serious about it, then you will actually see a change in them. Anyone can talk a good game and say what they want to do. However, when it comes to real love, it requires real action and real results. You don’t have to constantly question them about where things are going when they’ve made it very clear through their actions that they want to take things to the next level.

2. He will stop making excuses and start making an effort. 

Ask yourself, “Are they making excuses or are they putting in the effort?” You will know when they’re putting in the work to make it work because they’re calling you, taking you out, catering to you, and doing things for you. Keep in mind that it’s not merely about doing things for you, but it’s also about showing up for you. They are there when you need them, and they’re as supportive for you as you are for them. In other words, and as I talk about in my book, there is reciprocity. In other words, you don’t feel like you’re the only one doing all of the work or as if you’re being used physically, financially, or emotionally.

3. He will make it clear to you, and anyone else, that you’re the only one.

When you’re in a meaningful relationship, it’s not only evident to you, but it’s evident to others around you as well, and I’m not just talking about social media. Friends and family on both sides should know that you’re together because they’ve made it very clear that you’re exclusive and building something together. Moreover, you don’t have to feel like you’re competing for the number one spot when you it’s obvious that you’re the only one. They’ve made it clear not only to you and their family and friends, but to those exes and other people who keep trying to slide into their lives.

It can be a hurtful feeling when you realize that who you once thought was your man, was never your man to begin with. Moreover, when someone says, “Oh, I didn’t realize you two were in a relationship,” or you actually find out that they’ve been dating or was with someone else the entire time you thought you two were together, it can really take a toll on you. That’s why it’s never safe to assume what has yet to be acknowledged. Don’t allow someone to lay with you privately, but then refuse to acknowledge you publicly.

4. He will make you and the relationship a priority.

When you matter to someone, it’s evident because they will do whatever they can, within reason, to make you feel important. You should never feel like you’re always there for someone and they’re never there for you when you need them the most. You shouldn’t have to constantly ask if you matter to them. As it’s been said, people make time for the things and people they care about.

Furthermore, when you’re a priority to someone else, they won’t keep you waiting around or act as if you’ll be around forever waiting on them to get it together. They understand your worth and value, and the last thing they’ll want to do is allow some other man to creep in and reap the benefits of a good woman. If you’ve lost track as to how long you’ve been waiting on them to get it together or take things to the next level, then you’ve probably been waiting long enough and something needs to change. Hence, their indecision may be a sign that it’s time for you to make a decision to move on. If they’re not willing to step up, then it may be time to step away simply.

One thing about true love is that you don’t have to question it. It is an action verb, not just a feeling or an emotion. So, don’t rely on words more than you rely on actions. Let them show and prove to you that they want to be with you, and that they’re committed to being with you.