My Friends Don’t Like My Boyfriend
Q: Last year, my boyfriend and I broke up for a few months and took some time apart but later we decided to give it another try. I’ll admit in the past we’ve had some issues and so he wanted to take some time apart, but he poured out his heart to me, begged me to take him back and really did everything he could to get me back. Some of my friends and family think I’m stupid for being with him because of what he did in the past, but I really think he’s changed. It’s affecting us a little because sometimes they don’t even want him to be around or if he is around they just act like he’s not there. I know they only want the best for me but I wish they would support us. I don’t want to have to choose between anyone. What should I do? ~Anonymous
First, I’d like to answer your question with a question. How do you know that he’s changed? Is it merely because of what he’s told you or can you truly see a change through his actions? If it’s the latter and you’ve literally seen a change in him, then kudos to your man for stepping up because he knew how to “Man Up!” Sometimes men will beg and plead to get back with you but with no true or genuine intent of making a change. Men can talk all day and make promises but it means nothing if they’re actions don’t match their words.
I’m not sure if this is something you’ve already discussed with your family/friends regarding how much he’s changed, but consider explaining to them how you’ve seen a change in him and stand firm in your decision to be with him. Please understand that it may take them some time to get used to seeing you two back together. It’s not 100% clear how you dealt with the break-up but if your family/friends were there with you during the heartache and pain it might take them a little longer to see how much he’s changed. They may just need a little more time but that doesn’t mean you have to stop moving forward.
Even though the opinions and advice of our family and friends does in fact weigh heavy on the decisions we make, it shouldn’t be the end all be all when it comes to our relationships. The older I get the more I realize that we can’t live our lives based on what everyone else thinks. Moreover, a lot of times with our friends – especially girlfriends – we give wonderful advice to others but don’t always receive it or take it when it comes from other people.
Furthermore, we have to watch what we share with our friends and family about our relationships. If most of what we share about our relationships is negative, then others will think of it as such. I understand that sometimes we have to talk to somebody and just vent some days, but that doesn’t mean everyone needs to know. If you have to talk to someone to get some advice about an issue or something, talk to that friend or family member who you can trust and who you know will be unbiased and provide sound guidance.
Instead of sharing so much about the negative, this time around make it a point to not share as much and/or share more of the good stuff. For example, share with your close friends how good he treats you or the nice things he’s done for you lately. The more positive things they see and hear, the more difficult it’ll be for them to hold onto the past. Also, don’t be afraid to bring him around because the more they see him and see you all working things out, the more they’ll realize why you decided to give it another try.
Nevertheless, always keep your eyes and ears open but you don’t have to act on everything. At the end of the day your friends and family really do love and care about you and they just don’t want to see you hurt again.
Everyone is capable of changing and deserves a new start because none of us are perfect. Obviously, you and your boyfriend have learned a great deal from what has happened in the past and that’s totally fine. As a “virtual” friend, I believe that you deserve the best and if his actions match his words, you trust him and you two care about each other that much, then he deserves a second chance and you deserve to be with the one you love. Besides, you know him better than your friends and family.